True essential self.

Buddha stated that the cause of suffering is confusion about what we really are due to the lack of knowledge of our true essential self. The experience of our true essential self is one of being unfragmented, unseparated, and fully connected—a state of unity, experiencing ourselves as a whole before any separation occurs. So what perpetuates our state of confusion is our unawareness of this essential experience as wholeness.

Wholeness is always present; we have to actively separate from it, often by incessantly thinking. Understanding how we actively separate day to day, minute to minute, is the path to reintegration into wholeness. There are no deliberate 'bad guys' causing confusion; mostly, it is the result of overwhelming traumatic experiences with other disconnected humans. The good news is that when we successfully reintegrate our separated parts, we experience ourselves as whole, and there are very efficient tools to assist in reintegrating them. Mindfulness, Parts Work, Magical Passes, Shielding, Dreamspell, and yoga are a few very effective practices I found consistently working for everyone who learned to use them.

The first time that we succeed in reintegrating a separated part can change our relationship to ourselves and to life in a very palpable way; we will begin to perceive the reality of wholeness or at least be aware that it is here. The collection of our separated parts is what we call ego and unconsciousness.

I find that the traumatized parts not only mistrust life situations but, as a way of protecting themselves, actually embrace resistance as the way of life and lose their ability to trust. I see this resistance as a part of my psyche (this life and maybe before) that has become separated, overwhelmed, and frozen by traumatic life experiences. I believe that the ego is a collection of these parts. I see frustrations and resentment as symptoms of these parts. When I am successful in identifying, loving, and integrating a part of the ego, I get momentary glimpses of a transcendent state until the next part takes over. But as each part is reintegrated, I feel more at home, calmer, and more capable of staying present.

I think that there might be a difference between what the old traditional ways are offering and what it takes modern Westerners to become realized. For us, the overwhelm is greater, the trauma deeper, and the defenses of the ego much, much thicker. Two thousand years ago, when a student came to the teacher, the teacher took a small hammer, hit the student's ego wall with it, the wall crumbled, the teacher pointed out the way, and told them to practice, and that was enough. Today, the teacher is still there after years of hammering the ego wall and still not getting through. Today's approach almost needs to be more like sculpting stone, rather than cracking a nut; it takes a lot more effort, time, and patience. And there is a lot more friction here that the traditional teachings may not be able to accommodate. In the old cultures, people did what the teachers said; today, teachers are given the bird behind their backs or to their face. :) We are more split, more defended, more traumatized, and with a stronger sense of separation. We identify more with our separated personas.

I like to think of my parts like bungee cords; no matter how far I go, they snap me back to the same state when the initial traumatic experience took place, until I do the work of identifying them, turning toward them with love and empathy, and helping them reintegrate by being the parent to them that I wished I had. :) And then do it again for as many parts as it takes. This turning inward has become a way of life. I am celebrating when I find the part these days; that is how I know I am growing. And this growing itself is becoming the joy, the direction, the way.

The agenda of the parts is to resist any emotion that feels like the original overwhelming emotion that caused separation. Our experience of ourselves as a whole is indivisible from our experience of the present moment. By resisting difficult emotions, we actively separate from the present moment. Any individual human being has a number of habitual ways to separate from having to feel difficult emotions and consequently separate from the present moment and our experience of ourselves as a whole self and its always present attribute of awareness, peace, love, and well-being. When we separate from the present experience by resisting a difficult emotion, for example, we experience ourselves as a small, limited entity in competition with the world, and this causes suffering experienced as the feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, frustration, impatience, fear, anger, resentment, pride, vanity, shame, and guilt, to name a few. 

We usually project the cause of the difficult emotions onto others around us. When we become aware of the difficult emotions originating from our separated parts and turn toward them with empathy, patience, and a willingness to feel the difficult emotions, the part reintegrates. When the part reintegrates, we often experience the feeling of wholeness for a while until the next part takes over our awareness. Each time we do the work, our ability to remain present grows stronger.